Life Has More Questions Than Answers

Now that I am in the middle of the seventh decade of my journey, I have come to realize that life holds ever so many more questions than answers!  And, that I must, for the sake of sanity, be content with the fact that satisfactory answers will not be found for so many of the most important questions for which I desperately seek answers.

Why?  Who?  How?  Where?

Not too many years ago, I heard one of the last interviews of my childhood hero, Roy Rogers.  When asked how he and Dale had managed to survive the loss of three of their children, Roy slowly shook his slightly bowed head, and as he looked up, he replied,  “Well, I don’t think we could have if we had not had our faith.  I just don’t know what people do if they don’t have faith.”

Therein lies the answer.  It may not be the answer that we think we are looking for, but it is the very best answer possible.  Faith.  Forgiveness.  Redemption.  God’s love.  God’s promise.  God’s Son.  God’s Word.  God’s will. 

As a young Christian, I began my  spiritual journey by accepting God’s gift of grace.  My personal covenant with God is that I accepted His Son, Jesus Christ, and that Jesus’ lived and died for me.  For my sins.  For all time. 

Always searching.  Why?  Who?  How?  Where?

If I attempt to ask these questions with a secular mind, I would ask why did these things happen, who caused it, how can it be solved or corrected, and where do I go to resolve the problem.

If I tried to ask these questions with a Christian secular mind, a sign of the times condition, I would ask why God didn’t do His job, who but God should be responsible for the problem,  how is God going to resolve this situation, and where do I go to handle the issue because I gave God a chance and He didn’t follow through with His promises.

If I ask these questions with the mind of a sojournor seeking the heart of God, I would simply ask God to help my unbelief!  And, to guide me in turning the experience into good for His purposes.

I now realize that it has taken me years to comprehend just a miniscule understanding of exactly what my early profession of faith really means.  Acceptance of this wonderful and merciful grace is a soothing balm to a racing, searching heart.  Yet it opens the door to a lifetime of questions.  Life seems to be composed of trials and tribulations and endless spans of time stumbling down a path, wondering when, or if, I will ever see an end to my quest for something, I know not what, that will bring that certain peace of heart and soul that I instinctively know that I need and want. 

Over the years, and especially the last several decades, events of my life have brought me to an understanding of Roy Rogers’ quote that I never expected to have.  Tragic events have left every fiber of my being totally saturated with despair.  I have a long list of whys for God.  Sometimes, I think that I could take Job’s place in that Old Testament book.  My ears are filled with the haunting voices of sorrow, grief, hurt and disappointment.  My mind searches the what ifs.  My heart aches to once more hear the stolen music of peace and joy.   My entire physical body feels like an empty shell on a deserted beach.  My soul traverses the wildernesses and the deserts.

Always searching.  Why?  Who?  How?  Where? 

But, I know that God, for sure and for certain, has His Hand on my shoulder because He enables me, though reluctately at times, to accept His Will.  And, furthermore,to experience varying measures of contentment.  The road marked by Jesus’ footsteps is not a humanly easy one to follow.   I don’t presume to have a complete and total understanding of God’s mind and heart.  Of His Word.  Or, of His Will.  This child of God struggles with the reality of having to reconcile myself to doing God’s Will, not just that I have to do it,  rather, it is the right thing to do.

I am thankful that I have come to a destination in my journey that I can communicate with God, that I can feel His presence.  Hear His voice.  Better accept His will.  Discipline myself to His Will.  I’ve such a very long road ahead, but I feel so grateful that my loving God has revealed to me just a little about His character.  Of His love.  Of His mercy.  I think God would rather hear my questions than hear nothing at all from me.  I think, too,  that God asks for effort and trust.  

Always searching.  Why?  Who?  How?  Where? 

Faith.  This is comfort for my yearning heart and soul.  This is the answer to my cry in the wilderness and across the desert.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for always being with me.  And, for your gift of grace.  

Then came the morning, night turned into day;                                                                     The stone was rolled away, hope rose with  the dawn!                                                          Then came the  morning.                                                                                                               Shadows vanished before the  sun;                                                                                     Death had lost and life had won,                                                                                              For morning had  come.                                 Bill and Gloria Gaither